Down

Quick update... down this week... total 31.8 more to come later...

Limbo

The past week I have been in what I would call limbo... I actually didnt realize that I was in "limbo" until I got a call from someone that helped me work the 12 Steps... without going into full conversation it brought me to a point where I really needed to think about where I want to go with continuing the 12 Step program in a more traditional way... ie.. meetings, sponsor, phone calls etc... Thru out this whole time of working the steps I recognized that I would have to tweak some things. Going thru each step and learning more about OA I did realize I would not be able to follow the program to the exact tee.. and that was fine for me... now I am at the point where I need to commit fully to the program or continue what I am doing now.. I feel so blessed to have worked the steps and discovered so much about myself and how it has effected me and others around me.. I am convinced that it has helped me to grow spiritually, I am convinced that it will continue to help me grow stronger in all areas of my life, I am committed to keeping it in my life but the same way that I have been.. I have really thought and prayed about it and I have decided that I am going to do this my way for now.. I know this may not be the decision that some would want me to arrive at but it is the one I feel comfortable with.. I will continue to read my daily meditations, continue to work the steps on my own.. I will reach out if I feel I am struggling. I feel that Weight Watchers, this journal, my medication and most importantly my faith is what I will continue to work and grow at daily... for I truly believe that God has been the major part of this journey and will continue to guide me each day.. for this I am at ease with myself and my decision.. for now I am going to continue to take " One Day at a Time" and continue to pray the Serenity Prayer.

I am soo Blessed

I am feeling so blessed today. After, talking with Duane I am going to get to go to Florida the end of July. Duane will be going on the 24th to see Jenna and Rick is going also, they are going to have a boys vacation down there.. Duane deserves a great vacation after the surgery and recovery along with working so much. I will be joining him on the 3oth and staying thru the 5th of August. Now that all of that is settled I will so relieved and excited to get to go down there. Jenna has met someone named Drew and wants both Duane and I to meet him.. for those of you who know Jenna this is a BIG deal.. lets just say she has never been this way about a guy before and he has the same feelings for her.. so that is what was giving me some mama feelings last week. I had to practice some patience and stop and breathe and talk with Duane and have him reel me back in as he does so well... I told him that I need to work on my compulsive behavior and some of my Steps this weekend and he really helped me thru them.. I feel so blessed to have him in my life and for his understanding and true love that he has for me. I hope that Jenna has found that in Drew.. whatever happens she is so happy and that is all that I can ask for her. So I am again going to say how blessed I am with such great kids.. I thank God daily for my family.

What a great Meeting

Saturday's WW meeting was really great.. Lots of sharing and support.. I also met with leader to determine my goal weight.. It is a doable weight... that is something that I am very aware of this time around... I want a weight that I can maintain not a weight that will have to kill myself to maintain..so that is why I am pleased with the goal weight.. I am down 29.8 lbs. I am very happy with my journey so far and am really learning alot this time and I am really soaking it up.. I have said before I am so shocked that I had not found WW before but I have to say that my past weight loss experiences are helping me on this journey along with alot of the members at WW. I want to share everything with others so they won't make the same mistakes.. One really great part of the meeting was when Brooke shared some things and that she had been struggling with losing (plateau) but she shared something new she had tried and she had GREAT results.. It was soooo cool... I hope we start going to more meetings at the same time so we can get to know each other better... I just want to Congratulate her on her weight loss.. Weight watchers is such a great place I just can't say enough about it.. I am hoping that when I get to my goal weight that I get the opportunity to work there somehow to continue to help others just like me . I truly believe that God has brought me to WW for a reason.. so who knows... maybe all my weight struggles will be a blessing to others.. till next time...

I am having a REAL Hard Time....

I am really having a difficult time having Jenna so far away because she is having some potential life changing things going on in her life right now.. the phone is great and we talk at least once a day (lately maybe once) but it isnt the same. I want to be able to go visit her soon but I know it is not possible ... (financially) without sharing anything about what is going on with her it is a time where a daughter and mom need to close to each other just to be able to have those mom daughter talks all nite long if we need to.... to be able to give her a big hug to share in these special moments... I know this is going to be a challenge because Jen and I are so close she literally shares everything with me. I feel so lucky to have this relationship with her and it really is tearing me apart being 2000 miles from her... I am going to pray and hope that I can find a way to go see her before she comes back... I know that it is important to her as much as for me for her to see her mama.. so my challenge is going to be to convince Duane that I should go visit her... dads are different they don't understand that mom/daughter bond.. plus he is going to see her the end of July... well all I can do is have faith that I will be able to go see her.. I dont know if I could stand the drive again plus the time on the road is alot.. driving alone is scary and of course the price of gas is ridiculous.. but I have to say if she if she comes out and asks me to come I will do whatever to get there... so we will have to wait and see.. Most of all I want to say how much joy she brings to me...... I am so proud of her....

I am SO EXCITED

I just can't hide it..... I for shits and giggles tried on some shorts that I Could NOT get past my hips (2 weeks ago) and they slid on !!!! I could NOT believe it so much that I tried them all on AGAIN to make sure.... they fit.. they slid on.. what a difference in 2 weeks... I am so pumped to have shorts that I can where..so you may ask what made me try them on again? I was talking to Rachel about tops and how she wore them .. I was telling her that I just would not think to where shirts like her she was like WHY??? it makes you appear thinner.. so today I had to return some stuff at Old Navy so I browsed.. found a shirt... on clearance for 4.99 size Medium... (have been in Large or XLarge) guess what? Yep, it fit and it looked cute.. soooo... now you know why I'm sooo Excited....

2 Months Smoke Free!!!

Your Quit Date is:Thursday, April 17, 2008 at 12:00:00 PM
Time Smoke-Free:60 days, 16 hours, 8 minutes and 50 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked:1213
Lifetime Saved:9 days, 6 hours
Money Saved:$213.50

Are You ASLEEP?

Are you asleep? That was the question and topic of of the sermon today? Of course when we heard that everyone was like "yea we're awake we're here aren't we?" . Then this statement was made: when we are sleeping we are not aware that we are sleeping we only know that we have slept when we wake up. Hmmm.. made me think.. so I am sitting there wondering where is this going? Then this question was asked, " are you asleep in your faith?" I am thinking I dont think so.. I go to church. Then more questions. Do you read the scriptures and live them? Do you serve your church by volunteering? Do you tithe? Do you reach out and help others without expecting anything in return? Are you sharing your talents with the church? Ok now he had my attention... I can answer yes to some of these but truth be told the ones I answered yes to I am not doing 100%. So it got me thinking... what can I do in my faith to keep me awake? Because you see if I am not staying awake then I am drifting off to sleep and when I begin to drift that is the devil trying to lull be to his side... I refuse for the devil to make me sleepy or God forbid fall asleep so I will challenge myself to work at what God is telling me to do.. to open my heart and mind and to listen quietly.. because he knows what he has me wired to do I just need to STOP and listen and pray to hear what his plans are to keep me AWAKE. There was a hint today.. Our church is apart of a One Prayer challenge over 1400 churches are all praying and working for one thing and that is to bring God to people who don't know him.. during the video feed they showed children in poor countries their eyes were looking at me as if pleading or telling me something.. for a brief moment I thought I need to go there and help those babies... was God trying to tell me something? I can't answer that right now but I do know that I need to pray about it. I know that I need to talk to John (pastor) about it... because I do know that my God given talent is to help children.. so is God whispering to me? I think he is and let me tell you he startled and woke me up today.... so I will pray and listen. I ask all of you to ask yourself the questions above and truly answer them.. don't get sleepy, don't let the devil lull you in... WAKE UP!!!! God Loves each and everyone of you...


www.meadowonline.org

I feel Good

I am down 28.4 lbs... wow!!!! I feel GOOD!!!!! I am amazed at my weight loss and how it is going .. I really was suprised when I looked at my total loss so far I literally went WOW!! I hadnt realized that I had lost that much.... Easy does it.. Not being obsessed with the number has given me a whole new way of looking at things... when I look in the mirror I can see a difference when I put on clothes that I havent worn in awhile that were tight and now they are loose it is so cool.. I really dont remember enjoying it like this before.. it is so nice.. I like how I am progressing and I like how things are going.. Life is good....

I am in AWE!!!

I am in such awe and grateful for everyone that has donated to Relay for Life.. I have received donations from friends and family and people that I have met once that reads my blog. I am half way to my goal already.. I want to thank everyone that have donated.. I am truly blessed with wonderful family and friends... a special thanks to my $100.00 donors... Luann, Inez & my dad how generous you are.. may God Bless all of you that reached into their wallets to help me raise money for this "Monster" called cancer..... Again, words can't express how thankful I am.

Smoke Free Update

Time Smoke-Free:54 days, 16 hours, 11 minutes and 52 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked:1093
Lifetime Saved:8 days, 8 hours
Money Saved:$192.50

SAD News...

I talked with my mom today and she had to tell me that Don's cancer has come back... words cant explain what I felt when I heard those words.. so I am asking all of you to put Don in your prayers and to please donate in his honor for his bravery and his love for life... Cancer effects everyone some way some how.. We have to STOP this monster.. PLEASE, PLEASE help me stop it.. .. any small amount will make a difference.. please help me make the difference.. Don keep on fighting , and do NOT give up... I love you and admire your determination... I am praying for you..

Wow!!!! A big Thanks!!!

I received a donation already for my Relay for Life walk... I believe I know who you are.. a WW member that I have met once... if this is you Brooke... from WW I want to thank you so much.. I feel so lucky to have friends that care ... God Bless you all..

Please help me make a difference

Hello Everyone,

As many of you know I am doing a lot of new things and I am adding one more to my list. On July 11th I will be participating in American Cancer Society Relay for Life walk. We at Meadow Springs Community church have put together teams to raise money for cancer.. as of now we have over 60 people participating which is the largest group ever to participate in Shakopee. I am dedicating this walk to my Step Dad Don Kroupa aka ( Kroup ). He was diagnosed with throat cancer and is a survivor and is fighting the fight. I am asking all of you to make a donation of whatever you can. I would like to raise 1000.00 in Kroup's name. If you would be willing to donate please make checks payable to American Cancer Society for all that donate I will put your name on my t-shirt along with your pledge amount. I hope that you all will help me reach my goal.. I am starting the first pledge with $100.00 on my behalf.. I am asking Jenna and Nick to make a pledge and decorate a luminaries that will be lit with 1000's of others that nite.. If you have someone that you would like to honor with a luminaries please let me know and I will get you the bag to decorate or I can decorate it for you with the name of the person.

I am adding the link to my web page where you can donate on line and find out more about Relay for Life. Please, mail me your donation along with any information that you would think I will need. Most of all come join me on this nite of July 11th at 6:00 and stay to watch the moving lighting of the luminaries. If you have any questions give me a call at 952-451-3261.

Thanks so much!!

Linda Feldmeier

The American Cancer Society:

Coming Together

Yesterday's Weight Watcher's meeting was really great... alot of women opened up with their struggles and doubts... we all were able to offer support and suggestions to each other.. what makes this so helpful is that when we hear others despair we can relate but most importantly when we give insight to each other it motivates us to keep going.. we can see success in the program my women just like us who have sat in the same seat months ago but are sharing their success. We can see it in the WW workers who all have lost and are maintaining for years..
One paticualar woman has been sitting next to Marcella (older lady ) for past few weeks.. she is struggling has no hope can see she is ready to give up just quit.... it so pains me to see her that way because it is like looking in a mirror of my past.. thoughts like "I am not worth it" "I cant do this" "It is too hard" were things coming from her... tears in her eyes.. a look of hopelessness.. after the meeting I gave her my phone number and email address and offered to meet with her to show her the 12 Steps... not that she is a compulsive overeater but she has a bad relationship with food.. that is what OA is about.. instead of focusing in on a bad behavior of any kind that is effecting your life ie.. food, drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex.. etc... turning it over to God and following the steps is a life changing experience.. If I can give her the tools I know it will change her like it has changed me.. I know I am changing because as I type I am not talking about me or that I gained or lost but am focusing in on helping someone else ... that is a change for me... I hope she will reach out to me so that she can experience the peace and ease that I have received. All I know is that I can offer and pray that she will reach out... until then I will continue to give her the support and prayer that I know she is seeking... I told her yesterday "One Day at a Time" I hope those words stick in her brain so that she has a better week... I know how she feels because I have been there.. In closing, I lost .4 lbs this week... no big deal I know that I was doing everything right and my body needs to do what it has to on it's own time. so I will keep on keeping on.. all is good .. all is great.. God is guiding me on this journey..

God Really Knows!!!

I have been wanting to get the "Serenity Prayer" in print now that I have finished my 12 Steps. So low and behold today in the mail I received something from my wonderful mother n law.. a congrats on my weight loss and non smoking.. and a bookmark with the serenity prayer on it... it really made me so happy to know that she sees how important this journey is to me.. she is very special to me and always so supportive.. so this is a Thank You to her.. Thanks Mame and I love ya....