Weight Update

Went to weigh in today and of course with apprehensiveness after the holidays... but I really worked hard at not over indulging and did exercise more... so the pay off was I LOST 3 lbs... I was hoping to just maintain.. this was a bonus!!! I went to a different meeting time and day today and I really loved it.. new Leader and people.. I really liked her style and her sense of humor... I am hoping that I will get to train with her some.. Well just a update.. hope everyone had a great Christmas..

It's a Wonderful Life

I have to confess I had never watched the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" until last nite. I can't really say why I had never watched it but I finally watched this movie and I have to say it is a unbelievable movie. It really makes you think about ones life and how we are all connected and how important we are in alot of peoples lives. It made me think of what mark I have left on peoples lives and how things would have been if I had not been born. My mark would be meeting and marrying Duane and having a family.. I have always said that I was put on this earth to have kids. I have said that my most important job was to raise kids to raise them to be adults that will impact lives in whatever they choose to do. I know that I have done a good job and can say that when ever I question myself I can look at Jenna and Nick be proud of them. I guess alot of people question women who choose to stay home and raise their kids. I never questioned that I LOVED staying at home and being with them in the morning when they wokr up till I tucked them into bed. Yes, there were days when I wanted to scream and probably did but I would not trade it for anything. Careers come and go but your kids are always going to be there. I may not have invested money in IRA accounts but I invested me in my kids and the payoff has been awesome. I have NO regrets and if I had to do it again I would hands down. We may not have had the biggest house, newest cars, vacations every year or the newest gadgets but we did fine. So I look back at my life and say we choose our way.. and my way makes me say It is a Wonderful Life.....

One Door Closes

The saying "One door closes and another opens" comes to mind today. I received a letter of rejection yesterday for the job that I was so hopeful and excited for. I have to say it kinda sucked to get that on Christmas Eve but then again now I know.. and I can move foward. I have to think positive and feel blessed that I am going to work for Weight Watchers.. this job is going to be different it is NOT your ordinary 9 - 5 job. I will be able to choose how much I work and when.. hours will be different and days until I get a set schedule. I am going to embrace the change and think positive. Change is good ... Challenge is good... so today I will think positive and see all the good things I have in my life.. Change is good..

What to do...

I am really having a hard time with this job search.. there is just nothing out there. I mean yea there is alot of jobs posted but they never get back to you or they are thru a agency. As alot of you know I am not a very patient person and so when I am in this situation it really tests me. I have had one interview and waiting for a 2nd call which from everything that I have gathered it sounds like she wants to do a 2nd interview but still NO call .... I have done all that I can I do on my end and now it is the waiting game.. I am so hopeful that I will get a call today so that I will know something and can enjoy the rest of the week. It is SO hard... I mean I just want to call her and flat out ask her am I in the running? Will I have a 2nd interview? I am restraining myself and it is tough... so I am going to keep myself busy and let go of it as much as I can.. what will be will be... I do have a job with WW's and am excited about it but not as much as the other position it felt so right.... I had such a positive feeling then and the times I have heard back from her.. but you know everyone reads more into things than what really is.. So with that I am off to keep myself busy.... till next time..

WOW WOW

So this morning I go to WW meeting.. sitting there and a member that comes every week taps me on the shoulder and asks.. have you found a job? I said no still looking.. she says .. well I was talking to a good friend about you and she is a supervisor of a office and they are hiring.. can you send her your resume.. I said even better I have one in my purse.. (from interview yesterday) strange ok? She took it and said she would give it to her this weekend... I am in awe of how kind people are.. I couldnt thank her enough.. so that is the first wow.. the 2nd is on the way to the meeting they were talking on the radio about angels and how there are different angels for things.. ie.. angel of stress.. angel of happiness. and then they named the angel for employment ... Phillip ... so here I am in the car just talking to my angel asking for guidance and patience and hope... now I just have to say my angel Phillip was listening .... I love faith ... I love people.... I believe in prayer.... I believe in Hope... I BELIEVE!!!!!

Hopeful

Job hunting has been my main thing to work on lately. I had a job interview yesterday and it went well. I am hopeful that I get it but I also know that there are alot of people out there in the same position I am in. The HR person told me she received 60 replies in 2 days. The job really seems to fit me and event he environment so that is why I am so hopeful. It is so hard not to get my hopes up because that is my personality. More than that is impatience. I was told that I would hear back from them next week some time for a 2nd interview so there is where the patience come in. So if anyone out there has any ideas for me to do to make me stand out please share. I sent a email yesterday thanking her for the interview etc... and plan on mailing out a letter along with a few reference letters for her to get in the middle of the week to keep me in her mind. Any ideas??? Let me know... Well off to weigh in and hear about the new WW program .... so keep me in your thoughts.. prayers....

Big News!!!

Saturday I weighed in and have successfully maintained for 6 weeks.. That means that I received my lifetime key. It was really cool to get the applause and recoginition but as I explained to the group this is only the BEGINNING of my journey. I know that I will need to continue to go to meetings and weigh in weekly... accountability is the key to maintaining... NOT thinking ok I did it and now it is over... It is NOT over .... that is what has caused me to fail before. Each day I will have to think and remember that I am still on the journey... with the possibility of working for WW that will definitely will hold me accountable.. that is the KEY and having a key as a symbol holds a special place in my journey...

Keeping on Keeping on

So I am in my 2nd week of being unemployed and I have to say the first week really sucked... this week is getting better.. I have gotten my resume together (thanks to Rae) and have sent it out. Each day I check websites for job openings... There are so many jobs out there but I have to remember there are so many people without jobs.... I have been offered a job with WW's and am still trying to get details on what positions are available and what it entails... so that is my latest.. I will keep on keeping on... till next time..

Update

I went to weigh in on Saturday and was down 1.6 lbs!!!! I have lost 59 lbs and should be maintaining but still am losing so we are going to tweak some things and figure out what is going on. The good news is that I can apply at Weight Watchers for a job. The manager where I go has been asking me to think about it for a bit so I will check it out and see what it is all about.. I am officially wearing size 10 jeans too... Of course I needed to go get a pair since I only had one pair that fit that werent to big... I have all kinds of dress/business clothes and No casual stuff which sucks since I am at home for a bit but that is OK cause I plan on finding a job soon!!! I have discovered that I am NOT good at being at home. Anyway I will enjoy the month off during the holidays and hope that I find something after that... So until then I am going to find the positve in this and enjoy the time off... I know that God has a plan for me and again I need to stop and listen and be patient.. ahhhh my best virtue (LOL) but until then I will do my best...

Remember When

I am dating myself but lately because of the poor economy it has come to mind and I want all the young parents out there to think about this when celebrating Christmas this year.

When I grew up Christmas was so BIG something that you anticipated for months. Why? Well, I can clearly remember asking for a robe, boots , new jeans etc in September or October and the answer was... Put it on your Christmas list.. you see when I was growing up we just didnt go out and get what we thought we needed or wanted and believe it or not we survived. I truly believe that is why Christmas has become what it is these days.. the magic is gone. I heard that when adults are asked what memories they have of the Christmas past it is NOT a specific gift it was the tradition. For me.. Christmas Eve and getting ready for everyone coming over and Elvis blaring on the stereo. Counting the minutes when the house was packed with family and friends.. Not when can we open presents... I dont think we opened gifts and if we did I dont remember.. I remember being allowed to leave the tree lights on all nite and laying in bed watching the lites and thinking how special that was. I remember waking in the morning and having my stocking stuffed with fruit and nuts... I DONT remember the specific gifts I remember the celebration. I want to thank my parents for those memories... As I got older and was blessed to become a member of the Feldmeier family I then saw the magic that their family celebrated Christmas.. It was magic. NO ONE saw Grama Rosie's tree until Christmas Eve and we all gathered on the porch with the little ones and all came in together with a lit tree... The look on the kids faces said it all... I know from my kids that is what they remember.. They dont remember the gifts that were under the tree but the excitement of seeing Grama's tree that Santa brought. The cookies, candies and all the cousins and their excitement. So this year when we all are stressing about not being able to afford gifts for everyone start a new tradition. Remember it is not what you give or get it is celebrating Jesus's birthday and being with family and friends.. So all parents stop and remember your special Christmas and bring back the Magic.

Again,,,,

Again all good things must come to a end... last nite I found out that the dealership that I work at closed their doors. I am without a job along with 400 other employees of Denny Hecker.. this was not a total shock but when it happens it is a SHOCK. I will be fine and I pray that all the other employees that are going thru the same thing do ok.. what is so difficult is there was no closure. I left work on Friday and really did not have the opportunity to say a real goodbye to people that I have become friends with. That is what is hard... That was what I went to bed with last nite and then woke up to finding out that a little girl that I knew died from a brain tumor last nite. This child has suffered in the past months and I know she is pain free and dancing and singing with Jesus today.. I pray for her family and give them strength during this time. They tried everything and gave it all for Ella and I hope they have comfort in that. Please, keep them in them in your prayers.

On a UP BEAT I went to weigh in this morning and was down over 3 lbs I am now 1 lb away from WW goal. This means I will be able to work for WW's and will be investigating it. I think I am going to take some time off and fully heal and enjoy the holidays. Till next time...

Back to work

Well back to work today and I have to say it wore me out... I did fine but by the end of the day I was ready to go home and relax.. of course that is easier said than done.. lots of laundry to do so I am going to relax in between loads.. as they say no rest for the wicked. Each day I am sure will get better and will be back to myself in no time. I have to say I have maintained my weight since all of this... I didnt weigh in last Saturday so I will get a idea how things are going on Saturday morning. I dont feel like I have gained and really have tried to stick to the program as best as I could. I am not stressing about it and that is the best thing I will find out on Saturday. To all that are on the program just remember we have to take one day at a time and if things go bad one day or one meal just start right back on the program .... We can do it...

Good Stream

I had surgery again on Friday and I have to say I went into it thinking no big deal. When I was in recovery I soon discovered that was NOT true.. I was in alot of pain... I was suprised not really sure why though.. I got home and had some icecream and went to bed.. I slept fairly well. Saturday I slept ALOT and really just chilled.. I am really tired and sore I guess 2 surgeries in 3 weeks wipes one out.. Same is true today I slept 11 hours last nite got up went to church came home and slept for 3 hours.. I am not going to work tomorrow and I am glad I took the nurses advice and took Monday off. I was going to go back to work on Monday but she suggested that I take the day off and I am glad I did... I am cramping alot and really sore and moving slow... The good thing is that I am peeing way better.. I am not having to use the catheter which is great... Hopefully, I will feel way better and be back to my old self soon... Well, I am off to snuggle up in my bed and chill for the nite..

A Bit of a Set Back

I had to go in for a check today with the doctor/surgeon and after talking with me about how things are working (bladder) she decided that she needs to go back in and adjust the sling. So back to surgery on Friday. So.. back to hospital on Friday afternoon for a quick nip and tuck.. This wont be as invasive as the last one but like any surgery it will slow me down for a few days.. I may need to take off on Monday but will wait and see. Besides that she said I was healing really well. A bit of a set back but not too far... soo that is what it is...

Update

I went to weigh in today after 2 weeks of not weighing in and meeting my goal weight..I stayed the same I maintined my weight these past 2 weeks. I have been unable to work out as I have been and really have not been too active so I was a bit nervous about weighing in today but it was good. It really helped me to know that I have really gotten it the program and I feel good about it ... not that this is the end as I have said before this is not the end of my journey but the beginning... which is why I feel like I have finally figured it out... one day at a time one week at a time.... little bitty steps...

First Day Back

Well I made it all day at work and it really was not bad at all. My back bothered me in the afternoon but beside that I was fine. It was really good to be back and doing something.. It didnt hurt that the weather is soooo gorgeous here so I took Rudy for a walk before dinner and that felt good. The doctor told me to walk walk and walk and I will be getting back to more of the treadmill next week along with some weight training.. I have a call into the doctor to verify what I can and can not do... I really miss working out it makes me feel so much better but I know I have to take it slow.... Easy does it as my mother n law would say... Jenna is heading home this Wednesday nite for the weekend and she has given me orders that she will clean the house for me so that will take me for a good 2 weeks and then I will get the boys to help me the next time. I want to thank all for the calls and emails while I was recooperating. I will keep you updated on how I am doing and how the maintenace on my weight is going...

Off the Subject

The other day Duane and I stopped by the pet shop to get Rudy his bones I got the usual amount of 6 and went to pay for them Duane was standing there and when they told me the total he looked at me and said are they per pound? Now the total was 32.00 I said No their 4.99 each that is why I am always hollering at Floyd not to get them.. we left the store and all he could talk about was 32 for fucking bones for a dog are you crazy??? I kept telling him that they last a long time for Rudy as long as Floyd dont get them... that did not appease him.. every time he sees a bone he has to make a BIG Statement... so I guess I need to shop around for different bones... I figure yea they may be pricey but Rudy doesnt chew up furniture or anything else so in the long run we are saving money.. he still doesnt agreee............ hmmm what do you think?

Nervous

I have to say I am a bit nervous going into the maintenance phase of my weight loss. Mainly because of the limitations I have on exercise for the next few months. I am able to do the treadmill and do weights for my upper body. It certainly will not be the workouts that I have mbeen doing... I did not go and weigh in this week so that is weighing heavy on my mind also. Maybe I have too much time on my hands and once I get back to work I will feel more in control. I did take a short walk yesterday and didnt feel too bad afterwards I also was up and moving all day yesterday and did fine. I am nervous about going back to work (not being able to do it) but going to the bathroom and all.. you see it is a bit difficult to get the bladder going and empyting completely so it takes a bit for the whole process. After I go to the bathroom on my own I have to use a catheter to finish to empty my bladder, which is no big deal at home but may be a bit daunting out in a public bathroom. Well, all I can do is give it a whirl tomorrow and see how it goes. I am excited about getting back to work and being around people and doing things. Well, I guess I will do the best I can and see how it goes... I will report in and let all know how it goes... till tomorrow..

On my Feet

Today I was determined to get up out of bed and stay up all day which I did. I also got out of the house for a bit. It definetly wore me out but I survived. I am feeling better each day and hoping that by Monday I will feel really good and strong. I know that it will tire me out but I am sure I will be up to it.. If not I will ask to leave early. Well I am going to get ready for bed and rest up. Till next time..

update

I am home and doing fairly well.. It is not as bad as I thought but of course the drugs help ALOT. I got home about 3 and tried to eat some soup I did eat a bit and then took a nap.. I then had some ice cream which really settled my stomache... Duane and Nick are great. Nick is taking off school tomorrow to stay with me and drive me to the doctor to get checked out. Well I am going to sign off eyes are getting tired... Later

Surgery Day

It is 5 in the morning and ready to take off to the hospital.. I have to say I am ready.. yesterday was a long day and this morning I am really really hungry but if Ihad to choose whether to eat or drink I would take drinking over eating.. I hate being thirsty so that is the challenge this morning. but soon I will be off to dream land and all will be good... I am anxious to be done and over with this and start the recovery process. I will post when I am up to it and to all that called thanks..

To Eat or Not to Eat that is the Question

Well on Tuesday I have my surgery and I have to say I am a bit apprehensive about it but I am sure all will go well... what is ironic about things is I made my goal weight and today is the day that I really feel I need to eat. Why? Well, tomorrow I am on clear liquids all day and have to then do 2 enemas so needless to say I will be hungry tomorrow.. so my thought is fill up today. Right? So I will confess I want to go to a Chinese Buffet tonite and eat.. I have not had Chinese since I started WW's and my thought is I can eat it and it will be gone tomorrow... Now I am having a talk in my head thinking is this the right frame of mind and really it is not... so my plan is to not gorge myself but to have what I love and enjoy it and be done... so all you out there who are reading this give my your opinions I really would aprreciate it... and Mame I know what you will say already (LOL) but to my WW's buddies really give me your opinion. .... till next time...

I DID IT

Yesterday was weigh in and meeting but it was extra special I hit my goal weight. What this means is now I am on the maintenance program and have to learn how to maintain this weight. As alot of you know I have lost and regained several times in my life and maintaining is my challenge. I got to get up in front of the group at the meeting and what I said is this is not the end of my journey but really the beginning. I said that WW's maintenance program is what brought me here and that I am comitted to coming to meetings and weigh ins weekly for the rest of my life. That is what I have always needed is support and accountability for my weight. It really was not this woohoo thing for me since I have done this before my BIG WOHOO will be 5 years from now when I am still at this weight.. I know that their will be times when I go up and will have to evaluate the situation but I will NEVER go back to where I came from.. I feel so comfortable at this weight and with myself.. As of yesterday I was down 53.8 lbs... I do not ever want to have that much weight on my body again... physically it not healthy. For all that are working on losing I want to tell you that it is so worth it to keep on keeping on. Take each day at a time and remember what your goal is and that is to be a happier and healthier you not only for yourself but for your family and friends... and remember I am always here to talk and want you to be there for me when I need a kick in the rear... one more thing I bought a pair of new jeans with my Kohl bucks.. guess what size ???? Come on Guess!!! Are you ready??? Size 10!!!!!! When I started this I was in a size 20 -22 all I can say to that is Holy Shit!!!!!!!

What I LOVE about

Being down 50lbs!!! I can cross my legs without being uncomfortable. I can put on a outfit , any outfit, and it fits.. I feel healthy. I can walk up and down the steps without being out of breath. I am content with myself. I am happy... Life is good...

Celebration!!!

Today I weighed in and have lost 50+ lbs ... I have about 2 lbs to my goal weight!!! To all my friends who are on WW's keep up what your doing.. Don't give up..Enjoy the journey. It is worth it... I feel so so much better physically and emotionally I can't even describe. I have learned so much and I know that I will continue to learn.. I know that I will need the support of weekly meetings forever and the support of my WW buddies... I have met so many great people and know that they are the key to my success... I am have a bit of challenge coming in a few weeks.. I will be having surgery on the 28th and will not be able to workout for a bit but this time around I am not relying on exercise for losing so I am sure I will be fine.. I know that I will be able to walk so that will be fine since walking is the best exercise ... as for this surgery it will not be real pleasant since they are doing some reconstructive work besides the female surgery so keep me in your thoughts since I know the pain level may be unpleasant but all I can say is THANK GOD for DRUGS!!!!!! I will get thru it but I may have to whine to some of you so be ready.... Enjoy the beautiful fall weather and thanks for listening...

Smoke Free Update

Your Quit Date is:Thursday, April 17, 2008 at 12:00:00 PM
Time Smoke-Free:169 days, 15 hours, 52 minutes and 49 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked:3393
Lifetime Saved:25 days, 22 hours
Money Saved:$595.00

I have Decided

I have decided that I am going to choose my own weight goal.. now it is only 4 lbs more than weight watchers goal and is not that big of a difference but I am preety close to my goal and since I have bought so much clothes I just feel this is a good weight for me.. I will just need to have my doctor say that it is a good weight for me which she will no problem.. I originally choose this number in my head before I even knew what WW 's number was so obviously it is a comfortable weight for me and not unrealistic. I also would like to make my goal before I have the surgery for my female problems and bladder problems.. but if I dont that is ok too... I feel no rush to get to the goal weight because I know I will.. I am one lb from losing 50 lbs I may that this Saturday depending on my weigh in. My doctors visit to check out my bladder went well and of course I need some work done so that is no suprise. I am meeting with my other doc next Thursday to get surgery scheduled... well gonna go chill take care..

Wow !!!

Wow what a great weekend. Duane and I had a great time shopping and relaxing oh did I mention shopping? We really enjoyed walking around and checking out shops and looking at antiques. We just chilled and enjoyed time away from phones and work and computers. Duane did treat me to a great gift while we were there.. a pair of diamond hoop earrings.. Last time we were there he bought me a diamond necklace for our 20th. He is so funny to shop with when we start looking he always says ok I know what I like now you tell me what you like.. we are usually pretty close on our choices. I feel so lucky to have him in my life and still after 25 years we have fun together and enjoy being with each other.

Work is going great getting into the hang of things and really enjoying the people. Now that I really have the hang of things it is not as stressful for me.. I still feel so fortunate to have found this job and how blessed at how I found it.. God truly had a plan and I just followed his orders this time. I have learned a lesson and that is "HE will take care of you" we just have to listen and be Patient. I know that is not my best quality but I am working on it...

Oh on the weight front I was down 1 lb this Saturday and moving right along.. Michelle my weigh in buddy lost too as well as Heather.. speaking of Heather... she had a BIG suprise on Friday... she found out she was pregnant right after she went to dr to be put on birth control... now you know me I love babies so yea Heather.. plus she makes great kids so I can't complain.. So Congrats Heather.. Oh and speaking of babies...Nicole had a little girl on Friday... Babies Babies I love babies... Cant wait to see baby Lucy... Congrats to the Hoen's ....

Jenna is coming home this weekend !!!! Yippee!!! Tomorrow nite is my first nite meeting with the girls for our Bible Group... This week is off and running and so am I..... Byeeeeee

Things on my mind

What is on my mind is this: I am feeling very content with everything. I am happy at my new job. I am pleased with myself and how things are going at work. I am proud of Duane and I for being married 25 years. I am looking foward to spending the weekend with Duane at a BB in Red Wing. I am missing the kids at daycare and missing Rae too.. I am excited to get back into hockey season. I love fall. I am done... thanks for listening..

You've Got a Friend

Today was weigh in day and I was down 2lbs! I have officially lost 48lbs and am 9 lbs away from my goal weight. I was kind of curious how I would do this week with all the new things happening ie. job, doctor visits and my pregnancy scare (LOL) but all went well. Two of my friends Heather and Michelle are doing weight watchers too and are doing great... Michelle and I go to meetings together and try to touch base during the week to keep each others frame of mind in line and Heather is doing WW online and is kicking BIG butt.. she is down 32lbs and even though I dont get to see her every day like I used to I try and talk with her during the week.. I really do miss chatting with her everyday and seeing Sami's big smile and her great smooches.. but Heather has been great stopping by or getting together so I can have some Sami LOVE... Most of all I miss seeing Rae everyday and talking we have such a close and great friendship that was unique in us being able to work together in a laid back setting it is hard not to have that "girl" time with her like we had.. but we try and talk thru the week and I try and pop in once a week to see her and the kids... I do have to say she was the first friend I called after I got the call from the dr about the pregnancy test... she really had a great laugh and so did I. Of course Michelle and Heathe were not far behind... oh well glad I could give them a laugh even if I was the brunt of it.. Again, I have to say how blessed I feel to have such great friends and not just friends but "Girl Friends" you know those friends that you know that you can call on for a good laugh or a shoulder to cry on , friends to just hang with , friends for support ... I hope that they all know that I feel so lucky to have them as friends and I hope they feel the same of me. You know that song " You've Got a Friend" ?? Winter Spring Summer or Fall all you have to do is call.. and I'll be there......... You've Got a Friend.....

A FUNNY thing Happened today

Ok so today at the end of my lunch I got a phone call from my dr. she wanted to let me know that the biopsy came back.. she started out saying everything came back great , no cancer no abnormal cells .... BUT... there was something that the pathologist saw that questioned if I was .... are you ready??? PREGNANT.... she explained to him that Duane had a vasectomy and that she was pretty sure that I wasnt but he insisted that I have a pregnancy test... OH MY GOD!!!!! so she ordered a test .. so in the mean time I call Duane... he thought I was kidding me like a joke.. I had to swear to him that I was joking.. now you all know me and my sense of humor and thank God I have it because it would have made me fall over from a heart attack ... I was pretty sure that I couldnt get pregnant but you always just wonder .. and with all that has been going on I had a bit of question.. I thought well maybe a tubal pregnancy... so this lasted for 4.5 hours and found out guess ??? NOT ..so God has a sense of humor too.... so with that my day is over and I am not pregnant and all is good....Till next time...

Uncertainty/Certainty

Well I am uncertain about what is going on with my physical body but am working at finding out what is going on.. went to dr today for biopsy and that will be back in a week or so but she recomended that I see a gynocolgist so I have appt for tomorrow. I am not sure what they will say or do but I really just want to know what is going on.. I am sure I will know more tomorrow. As for the CERTAINTY I know I really LOVE my job and I felt confident being on my own at work today.. I really felt that I knew what I was doing and that I was doing a decent job. So with that I am going to kick up my feet and relax tonite and hope I feel decent tomorrow . I have to say I am TIRED of the "female" stuff .... but this to will pass..

Finding Balance

This past week I really feel that I am finding balance. Balance in eating healthy ... Balance with family and friends...The best balance is being able to work at a job that really challenges me and that I like and then being able to work with the kids at church.. I really feel like God had a plan and without hesitation I followed it and I am happy.. I am happier now than I have been in a long time and I believe it is all God's work.. that saying "let go and let God" I feel I am a great example of how God works and if we follow with no doubts or question and just let go it is amazing how easy life really can be.. I just know that the past 6 months have been life changing and I give all the credit to God he truly works in mysterious ways...

I am down 1.2 lbs this week 3 lbs last week so that makes my total at 46 lbs so far. I have about 11 to go to make my goal.. I am in a size 12 which is incredible . I went and bought clothes for my new job since I only had jeans and sweats for daycare it was sooo fun .... what was crazy was that I had soo much to choose from it was hard to put things back.. so my journey is still challenging and I am still learning so much about myself I just keep on keeping on and enjoy the ride.... kinda like this journey..

New Job Update

I wanted to check in and share how my first few days at new job went. I really really like it... Lots to learn and since I really havent used my brain for the past few years it is taking a bit to sink in but it is... the girl that is training me in said I am doing good. I just dont answer phones I take care of all the service tickets from the service center.. run the check or credit card thru. etc.. filing and closing out at the end of the day.. I have met Nancy who works the evening shift and she seems very nice and very open to helping me when I go solo on Monday... that makes me feel a bit better.. I have orientation on Monday so after that I will be solo... everyone is very nice and helpful.. I feel that I have made the right decision and feel really good about it... will keep learning and feeling more confident.

As for my health my dr called yesterday and wants me to come in and get a biopsy to make sure there isnt more going on in my uterus and ovaries.. I feel better but still have some discomfort and feel it is better to make sure all is well.. they also will want to do another ultra sound in a few months.. I am not concerned about the biopsy I think I may have some cysts that may have to be watched but will have to wait and see. so keep me in your prayers.... thanks to all for their support and help getting back on the right road of my journey.... I really feel I am in control and feeling great about everything... Life is Good!!!!

Great News!!!

I am NOT unemployed anymore!!!!! I got the call / text today that I had the receptionist position at Denny Hecker's Dodge dealership. I am so excited. This job really just dropped into my lap and I feel so very lucky.. It is 2 minutes from my house, I know at least 3 people that work there and the hours are awesome.. 7 to 3 ... I feel so blessed to have gotten this job.. it was purely by referral and the people that referred me are all Rachel's relatives.. I feel like I am a part of the family... and what is great is I still get to see and remain good friends with everyone.. woohooo.. So here is the the shocker I start tomorrow at noon... so I will let you know how things go but I know it will be great I am pumped!!!!

What are you wired for?

I am so grateful for so many things in my life one is friends... I have recently become friends with someone thru Meadow her name is Michelle. I truly never thought that we would be friends.. 1. she is a young mom of 4 girls... 2. she is a school teacher 3. really never thought we had anything in common. I have to say the more I get to know her the more I just plain LOVE her she has a great personality and is so caring and easy to talk to.. She has joined Weight Watchers and we share that journey.. we are doing the small group "Becoming" for girls together, and best of all we just get each other..Yesterday at weigh in it was great she lost over 4lbs and I lost 3lbs you should have heard us we were a bit excited... I know that when Michelle asks if their is anything she can do (like when I was in ER last nite) she really means it. I just feel blessed to have found her and that she considers me her friend.

I am grateful for Heather she is another great friend and so much fun... we went shopping together and she was great.. she is my official personal shopper from now on.. most of all she is Sami's mommy and I LOVE SAMI!!!!!! Sami I think loves me too .....She too is someone that I would have never thought to be a close friend... 1. she is younger 2. she is a young mom 3. she is a very self assured young woman. but we are good friends and I feel so lucky to be her friend. I know I can rely on her for help and support anytime.. as a matter of fact she may be the one that is responsible in getting me a job... we also, share Weight Watchers and that struggle.

Rachel is one of my oldest good friends and we share so much together and we continue to grow in our friendship.. I know that she will always be a great friend... but again when I first met Rae she wasnt a mom but newly married, my boss, very career like woman but after she left Kindercare she made a phone call to me as a friend to tell me she was quitting and as a "friend" she wanted to give me a heads up.. that was the beginning of our friendship... now she is a mom of 3!!!! , pastor of Childrens Ministry and runs a in home daycare... she hired me to work with her , she invited me to Meadow and is the one who is responsible for the friends I have in my life.. Before I started working for her she said... ya know Linda God has you wired to do something and you have to stop and listen to him to find out what that is....I am so grateful for that statement because I did listen and God brought me to all of this and all of these great women in my life....now I am wondering what he has planned for me now...??? I think I know the answer but I am not going to share and see if I am right.... I am just so thankful for all of them.. After writing this I have discovered a common factor in all of these women... they are strong Christian moms..... God has blessed me....

Hands on the Wheel

Well what started as a shocking week has finally sunk in.. I have been busy sending out resumes applying for jobs .. I have had 2 interviews .. 1 for a nanny of twins.. 1 for receptionist job.. I also have a lead on a great prospect and have to wait to hear back on that.. It would be a great job.. close to my house, great hours and I know someone that works there... it came to me kinda like a trickle down affect... i sent my resume to someone to pass along to someone at the same time the 2nd someone had received a email from a family member stating there was a position open and if they knew anyone to pass it along.. it then got passes back to someone who then passed it to me.. and the beauty of this is I know everyone of those someones... hmmm wonder if networking works?? LOL...
The nanny job is a promising prospect as well but with this other prospect I am really thinking that it may be the time to move away from kids... I love it but I also think I am at a time in my life where a REAL job may be good.. I have grown so much in the past months. I also still want to try and work at Weight Watchers when and if the time comes.... I have been doing alot of volunteering for church and I love it.. I am doing alot of different things that are continuing to help me grow each day.. so the journey of my life has taken a turn but I have or feel I have a bit of control over it... I will let you know if and when I get back on the main road when it comes to working.. I feel so blessed to have such great close friends that are helping me find a job and giving me the confidence I need to step out of the box.

As for as the weight loss I was the same last week.. no big deal.. i have been having some wierd periods lately and I am sure that has alot to do with it... I am having a ultrasound tomorrow to check things out... sure it is no big deal but better to have it checked... i figure since I am turning 47 on Saturday it is just old age... so with all of that babbling I am checking out... say a prayer that I get the right offer and make the right decision when the time comes...

All Good Things Come to a End

Well today started off normal up and off to work.. I was even thinking as I was getting lower level ready for daycare well it is a new month and hopefully Tim (Rachels' husband) will hear from the company that he interviewed with and he will be offered a job... it has been really difficult for them and getting harder with him without a job since January.. so I have been praying that he finds something. Anyway, within a few minutes Rae came down to fill me in on the day and then had to share some bad news ... she has to let me go... I really became numb.. I know it was hard for her to tell me because it is not a normal working relationship.. I really understand and would have made the same decision but hearing it is still hard.. I have really been blessed to work with her. We have become very close along with her cousin Heather.. I am going to miss that the most... of course I will see them but it wont be the same.. I am going to miss seeing the little ones grow and develop into different stages.. Also, it was hard to share this news with Duane because my main purpose is to work to put money into college fund for Nick... he was not as upset as I thought and said well, you always seem to fall into something pretty fast.. which I said yea I already have a lead ... now this lead is a bit scary but I think it may be something that I can do... I am waiting for a phone call and when I know more I will share... but until then I am off and running to find something that will fit for me..
Now when Nick came home I told him and he was like wow mom what the hell? I explained Tim and Rae's situation and then made it a learning situation.. I said you know the economy is bad and when it affects one person it slowly trickles down and affects others... that is what happend here... times are bad and people are struggling. He has to know and does know that I work to help both kids with college and that I am limited to what I can do. I want them to know that both Duane and I work so that they can have more than we did.. I do believe they understand but it doesnt hurt to put it on the table every once in awhile... so my journey has taken a veer toward uncertaintiy and I will work thru but damn I hate when my bubble gets popped.. Till next time...

Am I a Old Lady??

The other day I went to try on some clothes and was waiting to get in the dressing room when a little girl popped her head out of the room and looked at me and then hollered at her mom " mom we need to hurry there is an old lady waiting to get in"!!!! At first I was like wow .. then I thought well to a girl 9 or 10 year old I am old.. now I will be turning 47 this week but I really dont feel 47 I really have never been one to worry how old I am as a matter of fact I have to stop and think when someone asks me.. but I have to say it was a bit of a slap in the face... but I soon forgot about it and carried on... what is the saying? You are as old as you think... well since I rarely think how old I am what does that mean? I just have to say I am blessed to be healthy and happy and that is how I measure how old I am... so this old lady is signing off... time to eat some prunes...LOL..

Quiet in the House

Well, Jenna is back in Duluth and the house seems so much quieter not that she is loud but it was nice to have her here for the past 2 weeks.. we got to all enjoy a few dinners together , watch television and just be a family.. she was anxious to get back to see her friends and to get back in the groove of things before school starts.. she will be working all weekend and then back to the books on Tuesday.. It is hard to believe she will be done with her undergraduate degree in December and is enrolled at the Police Academy in Cloquet. She plans on getting a 2nd degree from there and then getting a job at a police department while getting her Masters.. She has big plans on what she wants to acomplish and what she has to do to get to her goal.. It is scary to think of what she is planning to go into but she knows what she wants to do and we have to trust in her decisions..

Nick is gearing up for school too.. he will be a junior and wants to maintain his GPA so that he can apply for some good colleges and hopefully get some scholarships.. hockey is also on his agenda I have to say I can't wait.. I love watching him play he plays so hard and loves it so much you cant help but enjoy the game.

I am feeling so blessed and at ease these days with my weight loss and with some new things at church that I am getting involved with .. Maybe with the change of seasons I feel the change in me starting to stir again.. I just feel so hyped with all the new things at church that I am involved in.. it will be great to work with the youth and learn along with them. Like the leaves that change in the fall so do we as we work to make ourselves better and to hopefully help others to be better.. I look foward to change..

Moving Along

Saturday's meeting was good I was down again and that is great... I have only 16 lbs to go to meet WW's goal weight which means that I could work for them.. I talked to one of the leaders for a bit on Saturday but didnt get into much detail so I want to talk with her more this Saturday..

The weather here has been so autumn like the past few days it always brings me to the realization of how much I love fall.. I am a bit concerned that fall may not be as beautiful as it can be because of how dry it has been... I love the colors of the leaves changing.. I am hoping we will have the fall colors since Duane and I are going to a Bed and Breakfast for our 25th Anniversary and always look foward to taking in the colors.. this is the same bed a breakfast we went to for our 20th and we really do love it there. it will be nice to get away and enjoy each other without the hustle and bustle of everyday life.. wow 25 years it doesnt seem possible. time really passes you by.. we are looking foward to 25 more years...

With that I hope all can take the time to enjoy life and the beautiful world that we have been given .. stop and realize how blessed we are.. till next time.

Starving Children

I had the opportunity to participate in a service project with kids and their family last nite at Feed myStarving Children. We got to prepare food that is being shipped to Haiti. It was really cool to work as a group and see the joy in the kids faces... The presentation really explained how we as a group of volunteers makes a difference.. I feel truly blessed to be working with the younger kids from Meadow and can't wait to get to know them more and show them how we can make a difference. During the presentation they told the kids that their were 10,000 starving children that needed to be fed... a 5 year old sitting next to me said " I cant feed that many kids" I said if we all work together we can. She looked at me with her big eyes without words but a look of I dont think so... at the end of the nite I really believe she did acomplish that. She was so excited that we were sending 1000's of meals that we made with our own hands.. I truly believe that all 31 volunteers children and adults left feeling blessed and fortunate. We taught the kids we are the arms and legs of Jesus we have to do his work and last nite we from Meadow did.

Getting Closer

Weigh in today and meeting down 2.2 lbs again this week... I have lost a total of 40.2 lbs.. I have 17 to go to my goal. Things are working well... I am looking foward to getting out of being in the in between sizes in clothes.. that is was is frustrating when buying clothes... one size is too small or just doesnt fit right but I did find a few things to hold me over. I am going to have to get rid of some tshirts that are huge now.. the sucky part is replacing them... the ups and downs of weight loss..

Quit Stats

Your Quit Date is:Thursday, April 17, 2008 at 12:00:00 PM
Time Smoke-Free:120 days, 15 hours, 55 minutes and 49 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked:2413
Lifetime Saved:18 days, 10 hours
Money Saved:$423.50

No more empty nest

Jenna and Nick will be home today!!!! It will be different to have both of them under the same roof.. Jenna will be here for a few weeks before heading up to school... of course with the two of them home they will be enjoying the last days of summer.. Jenna is anxious to see her friends and I am sure she has plans to meet up with them.. Nick will be doing his thing and I believe hockey is going to take up alot of his time... It will be fun to have them home together... they really do enjoy hanging out with each other and for some reason Nick makes Jenna laugh so much which in turn makes all of us laugh.

Jenna and I are going to head to outlet mall tomorrow and to have some mom / daughter time which will be fun.. I really like her opinion on buying clothes so I will pick up some fall stuff for my upper half since I dont think that size will change too much... I did find the exact pair of jeans that I tried on and fit on ebay and put a bid on them... the bid was 5.99 I am winning so cant beat that.. what is the chance that I would find my exact size and jean on ebay must be an omen LOL... that way I dont feel bad .. if I can find a pair of capri jeans to hold me thru for a bit that will be good... all my tshirts are huge on me so I am going to look for some too.... it should be an eventful trip... but fun.... well off I go...

I Never Thought

So today I went shopping just to see what was out there... my jeans are getting big and my workout clothes are hanging on me... so I tried on jeans which is something I always hated... I grabbed size 12 and guess what??? Toooooo BIG!!!!! So I thought well I will be in between sizes but grabbed a 10 .. guess what??? They fit.... so I know you are like you bought them right? Nope.... I am going to wait... because I can get by with wearing what I have for now because I am still losing and I just dont want to spend money on clothes that I wont wear too long... plus my birthday is coming and I can use some of my birthday money to get some stuff... so I will deal with what I have and hope it doesnt get too chilly too soon... if it does then I will buy something.. so there it is a day of positive shopping.. Gotta love it... havent had that in a LONG time.... Why you ask.. well I was wearing size 20's and they were uncomfortably tight..

NEWS FLASH

I have BIG NEWS!!!! Are you ready???? Ok here it is!!!!!!!


I Weigh less than Duane!!!!!! Wohooooo!!!

A bit apprehensive

Ok so today was weigh in after my trip to Florida and even though I tried to be aware of what I ate it is still hard when your out of your element... most days I felt pretty good about it.. I did walk more than last time and when I got back I was back on and to the gym everyday... so when Saturday morning rolled around I was thinking ok if I maintained that is good.. but ..... when i got up my monthly visitor was here so I thought well there that goes.. but I put on a good face and stepped up on the scale... then.... the machine that prints the sticker with my weight on it ran out of tape... so there I stood waiting with baited breath.. ahhhhhh...... finally ... I got my book and looked .... I was down 2.2 lbs... so that means I have 18 lbs left ...it seems so incredible to me how this process has gone.. the different way I did this and what I have learned has been so uplifting.. i know that my true challenge will maintaining and the key to that is Weight Watchers... all of the other programs just say good job off you go... and slowly but surely it came back... this time I will continue to go to Weight Watchers meeting each week to weigh in and for the support.. for me that is the answer .........so I am getting closer to my goal but I know that it wont be the end... for me I will celebrate when i have maintained for a year and then another year and so on... this is my journey that will never end... kind of cool ha?

Pensacola Trip Update

So left for Florida Wednesday morning got to airport got all checked in flight to leave at 10:30 ... that did not happen... I will make this short I was supposed to get to Florida at 4:30 I ended up finally getting there at 9:00... then my luggage was not there.. did not get that till next afternoon.. weather here has really been shitty... rain storms... needless to say when i got here on Wednesday nite I had a few drinks... i was so frustrated with Northwest airlines.. what a bunch of as*holes... never again will I fly with them if I can avoid it.. it is good to see Duane and Jenna.. Jenna is really not been herself since we have been here.. very sad like , depressed, moody ect.. I have talked to her and I know it is that she just wants to get back to Minnesota to see her friends... she regrets that she didnt figure out her time frame a bit better so she could leave but with all the plane tickets bought she has no choice but to stay till Nick gets here and he gets some vacation time in down here... Anyway, I know it has been a learning experience not only in her work field but in her personal growth as well.. she has learned how much her friends mean to her and how much she truly loves Minnesota... all in all she has had a great experience down here .. I can say I dont think she has made any lifetime friends.. or any committments to anyone... she is set in going to graduate school and getting her education finished so that she can pursue her career .. she is a strong young lady who knows what she wants and will not let anyone change her mind No matter how much that person matters to her... so the reason for my trip down here never came to be but that is ok it is good to get away and spend some time with her before she heads back to Duluth.. so we are hoping for better weather in the next days ... I believe it is hotter in Minnesota than here right now...who would have thunk..??? Oh well.. as I say whatever will be will be.....

Pensacola Trip Update

Down

Weigh in today and down 1.6 lbs... we had a great meeting lots to share.. I shared about my blog and how happy I was the other morning when I looked in the mirror and thought Damn, I look good.. how happy I was at my weight and how unhappy that weight would have made me at one time in my life.. some people laughed and understood what I was saying... I voiced how I was enjoying the journey and how I am enjoying each stage of my weight loss... I am about 20 lbs from my goal weight but really am taking it one day at a time... I just am so happy at how I am doing this time in weight loss and changing from the inside out... I am striving to be a happy & healthy person and I am getting there...

3 Month Anniversary

Your Quit Date is: Thursday, April 17, 2008 at 12:00:00 PM
Test Time Smoke-Free: 90 days, 15 hours, 6 minutes and 26 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 1813
Lifetime Saved: 13 days, 20 hours
Money Saved: $318.50

Compliments

Yesterday I got 2 compliments 2 very different compliments but it was so nice.. The first was from Duane.. now for those of you that know Duane you will get a kick out of this one.. he came home from work I was on the deck cutting Nick's hair.. I had on some new clothes (the ones I had on when I looked at myself in the mirror and thought wow you look pretty good) anyway, he says to me "those shorts make your a*s look small" then "you can really tell you are losing weight" so I am seeing the same in the mirror as others are seeing me in person.. recently I have had a few people tell me how they can tell I am losing and that I look great.. that is so nice to hear.. the 2nd complimet has nothing to do with my weight loss.. I went to watch some softball games last nite ( parents of kids at daycare) and just enjoyed talking and meeting some new people. I of course played with Sami and Carter and did what I do with kids.. later on a mom asked me "did you do daycare when you came here 9 years ago?" I replied "no". She said , "that is too bad because I would have chosen you when I was looking when I needed daycare, you would have been my pick you just seem to have what I was looking for." I thanked her for the compliment and said, " I just can't seem to keep myself away from kids" she said, "well you know if it is your passion / love then that is what you should do" That really made me feel great not that I dont know that I am great with kids it is nice for a total stranger to observe me with kids and reafirm my feelings.. so 2 compliments in one day. Wow!!!! It sure was nice.. so give someone a compliment today it will make them Smile!!!

Just Thinking

So lately I have been thinking of how ironic life is.. yea I know scary thought.. but anyway here goes.. So I can remember when I was at my lowest weight of 98 lbs (when I got married in 1983) and thinking if I weighed 110 lbs it would be horrible ... then thru the years of up and down I would think the same at different weights.. thoughts of if I EVER got over 150lbs I would just die.. then 160 then 170 and etc... at one time in my life I was at 235 lbs... and then I would think I cant get over 250... I never did.. this past time my Oh God moment was I am over 200lbs.. during these years I would think how horrible I looked at different weights.. well this time on this journey I am looking at things and myself differently.. it hit me the other morning when I was getting dressed in some new clothes.. I looked at myself and thought Damn, you look good.. now keep in mind I have about 24lbs to go.. but I thought that!!! What the hell how can I look good at this weight when other times I HATED myself at this weight.. now I think I look pretty good.. I can remember after I had the kids and thinking how bad I looked now when I look at pictures I am like What the Hell were you thinking? I looked good and I would give anything to look that way again but I know it is not going to happen.. What I am striving for now is to be at a healthy weight to feel good about myself and that is all.. the only reason I have a weight goal in mind is because at WW if you reach your goal you are a lifetime member and dont pay for the meetings but more importantly I would like to work at some compacity at WW's.. if it a goal weight that I dont feel comfortable at getting at or maintaining then I wont do it.. I can get a note from dr saying a certain weight is good for me and they will accept that at WW's for Lifetime membership but I wont be able to work for them. I just feel that I have alot to offer to others at WW's and would like to share my struggles and triumphs with them.. but I will cross that bridge when the time comes... so that is what I will do... so my words of wisdon to anyone who reads this is is THIS: enjoy each stage of weight loss look at yourself and see how good you REALLY look ... because you do.. dont judge yourself as hard as you know you do... go back look at yourself when you thought you were sooooo fat and you really werent just not happy with yourself you will be suprised and think to yourself "What was I Thinking?" Just enjoy yourself!!!

What goes up must

GO DOWN!!!!! Woohoo...... down 3 Lbs this week... back on track and staying out of Restaraunts.. well not fully.. did go to Pablos with friends on Thursday nite... it was a great meeting on Saturday not just because I lost but because Marcella (my older friend) LOL lost 3.4 lbs she was so happy and pleased with herself.. I am happy for her too she really has been struggling but we all know how to help her lose and we are watching her... so hopefully we will both have a great weigh in next week..... oh and by the way have I said how much I LOVE WW.??

Relay Day

Friday started off as a normal day.. however it did begin to warm up and because of the bad storms on Thursday afternoon they were again predicting the same for Friday nite I received a email stating that the Relay would be held inside... well considering the heat and the predictions for storms it was understandable but dissappointing.. even though I have never particiapted in the Relay I have gone to observe and watch a few times.. so I knew this was going to be different.. I arrived at the Jr High at 6:30 and walked in to a force of hot and crowded building.. Everything was set up the best as could be but it was cramped...Duane and I attended the opening ceremony and then watched some entertainment (Ellie & Tim ) in the daddy / daughter dance. I then went to meet with the team in our cramped classroom. I then decided to start walking the halls of the school... why? they were lined with the lumarie bags...thousands of them all in rememberance or dedication to friends, family ...mom, dads,gramas,grampa, siblings and on and on.. Now seeing this sight is breathtaking to realize how cancer has affected so many . What was so disappointing is knowing that we would not be able to light them.. They did have a ceremony but only lit about 20 in the auditioriom. it was moving but not the same.. I stayed till about 10:30 after walking for Kroup and then came home with plans of coming back early in the morning.. which I did (very early) to find everything was done and over with.. because of it being inside and so many people leaving they decided to close it down early... sad... but the great news is that Meadowspring Church raised over $6000 and the whole event raised over $155,000 so it was a GREAT success.. I am looking foward to next year and experiencing this again... Again, to all that donated thank you...

Relay for Life

This Friday is Relay for Life and I am so excited to be apart of this. I have been there to watch but this is my first time participating and I am sure that it will take it to a whole new level. I want to thank everyone who donated I made my goal of $1000.00 I did put a new goal in of $1500 but fell short but not by much.. I so blessed to have great friends and family to donate.. I will have to have pictures to post. Hopefully the weather will hold out and we will have a great nite. Again, thanks to all and I will be walking in honor of all of your friends and family that have fought this disease and are still fighting... May God bless them.

Love

One question??? Why does love sometimes hurt?

Feeling ???

Today has been an odd day... if I could describe it would be me personally.. the past few days have been feeling odd... lonely, out of touch, & pissy... Don't really know why just really not feeling like I have friends... you know ones that you can hang out with, shop with or just call and talk to ... I know that since leaving Kids Count I lost alot of friends/aquaintences and even though I ended up losing them as friends I do miss them.. Or the comardery of a work place... of course there are negatives to that also.. I am really struggling with this and dont know the solution... I am not a person that needs to hang out with friends all the time but I guess it has been so long since I really have had it that I am really missing it... I love spending time with Duane and we are spending more time together and doing things together that we never have done and that is cool but I guess I miss the girl thing. Anyway I am sure I will get past this pissy/lonely mood but till then anyone I am around sorry if my pissiness comes off.. nothing personal just me...

Ephiphany

So was still reviewing last week because I was thinking ok Linda really some extra snacks ?? Then it came to me.. ephiphany.. we ate out 3 Times last week... now this is a learning experience 1. we usually do not eat out 2. I thought I was making good choices 3. even though i only went up if I had not been exercising it would have been way worse. 4. Restaraunts need to start offering healthier choices because I did choose the lesser of evils on the menu.. 5. Moderation is the answer...

I love learning about this process instead of being all pissy about it... that is why I titled this blog Ephinany....

Smoke Update

Your Quit Date is:Thursday, April 17, 2008 at 12:00:00 PM
Time Smoke-Free:79 days, 16 hours, 4 minutes and 46 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked:1593
Lifetime Saved:12 days, 4 hours

First Time for Everything

Today I went to my WW meeting and guess what???? So did you guess??? Well, I was up... ahhhhhhhh.... but only .4 not that bad the thing is I have never been up during this process always, always down... so how do I look at this ????? Should I wallow ? Should I blame something or someone? Should I be pissed at myself? I dont think so... What I did is reflect on last week. I honestly looked at what I did different... I asked myself... did you eat bad food? No..

Did you not exercise? No... Did you drink all your water? I think so... So I asked myself what happened? I came up with this: I found that I was grabbing snacks.. at work.. you know a handful here and there.. not a big deal BUT they are salty and salty snacks retain water.. ok I can take care of that.. my plan.. Tell the kids if you see Miss Linda eating your snacks tell her NO!! They will love it... I also have been weight lifting for about the last 4 weeks and that change can make your metablolism do wierd things till it realizes hmmm this is going to keep going on.. so with that my plan this week is to be MORE aware of all that goes in my mouth.... I am going to practice the plan H.A.L.T. which means... before I eat I will ask myself this:
H- Hungry? A-Angry? L-Lonely? T-Tired? if the answer is yes I am really hungry then I will eat something healthy if I answer yes to any of the others then I need to drink a BIG glass of water... I will also eat lots more fresh fruit and veges.... just get back on track... so with that I am thinking positive and NOT negative. I have decided to learn from this and move on and kick some BIG LBS next week.. so I will let you know how it goes... till next time.

Being Honest

Today I sat down and read the first 3 Steps on OA... alot of the information seemed comforting but some just didnt seem to fit me.. I do recall when reading the steps the first time that I had questions about some things and was unsure of committing to everything at that time.. but I wanted to be open and follow the process. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to go thru the steps and to have went thru it one on one. I have gained so much from those 12 weeks and have learned so much about myself. I have utilized alot of things from the 12 steps in my daily life but I know that I have not embraced the program 100% as I know I should.. with that I am making a decision that I will NOT being following the OA program. I will take the knowledge that I have received and continue to follow them but I will not be telling people that I am in a 12 Step Program. I am not going to tell people that I am doing it when I am not doing the program as I should.. I have examined myself personally and feel that this is the path for me. I can without hesitation say that I am NOT a compulsive eater. I truly feel that WW will be my support in my weight loss now and forever. I will continue to grow in my faith. I will continue to seek out people who is going thru the same things as I am and share my experiences with them. I will seek support from others who are willing give that to me. I will continue to be truthful to myself as well as others. I ask that all that is important to me be truthful to me when I may be veering off my successful journey.. I will ask all to pray for me daily. I will be happy and I will continue to live my life "One Day at A Time"

Down

Quick update... down this week... total 31.8 more to come later...

Limbo

The past week I have been in what I would call limbo... I actually didnt realize that I was in "limbo" until I got a call from someone that helped me work the 12 Steps... without going into full conversation it brought me to a point where I really needed to think about where I want to go with continuing the 12 Step program in a more traditional way... ie.. meetings, sponsor, phone calls etc... Thru out this whole time of working the steps I recognized that I would have to tweak some things. Going thru each step and learning more about OA I did realize I would not be able to follow the program to the exact tee.. and that was fine for me... now I am at the point where I need to commit fully to the program or continue what I am doing now.. I feel so blessed to have worked the steps and discovered so much about myself and how it has effected me and others around me.. I am convinced that it has helped me to grow spiritually, I am convinced that it will continue to help me grow stronger in all areas of my life, I am committed to keeping it in my life but the same way that I have been.. I have really thought and prayed about it and I have decided that I am going to do this my way for now.. I know this may not be the decision that some would want me to arrive at but it is the one I feel comfortable with.. I will continue to read my daily meditations, continue to work the steps on my own.. I will reach out if I feel I am struggling. I feel that Weight Watchers, this journal, my medication and most importantly my faith is what I will continue to work and grow at daily... for I truly believe that God has been the major part of this journey and will continue to guide me each day.. for this I am at ease with myself and my decision.. for now I am going to continue to take " One Day at a Time" and continue to pray the Serenity Prayer.

I am soo Blessed

I am feeling so blessed today. After, talking with Duane I am going to get to go to Florida the end of July. Duane will be going on the 24th to see Jenna and Rick is going also, they are going to have a boys vacation down there.. Duane deserves a great vacation after the surgery and recovery along with working so much. I will be joining him on the 3oth and staying thru the 5th of August. Now that all of that is settled I will so relieved and excited to get to go down there. Jenna has met someone named Drew and wants both Duane and I to meet him.. for those of you who know Jenna this is a BIG deal.. lets just say she has never been this way about a guy before and he has the same feelings for her.. so that is what was giving me some mama feelings last week. I had to practice some patience and stop and breathe and talk with Duane and have him reel me back in as he does so well... I told him that I need to work on my compulsive behavior and some of my Steps this weekend and he really helped me thru them.. I feel so blessed to have him in my life and for his understanding and true love that he has for me. I hope that Jenna has found that in Drew.. whatever happens she is so happy and that is all that I can ask for her. So I am again going to say how blessed I am with such great kids.. I thank God daily for my family.

What a great Meeting

Saturday's WW meeting was really great.. Lots of sharing and support.. I also met with leader to determine my goal weight.. It is a doable weight... that is something that I am very aware of this time around... I want a weight that I can maintain not a weight that will have to kill myself to maintain..so that is why I am pleased with the goal weight.. I am down 29.8 lbs. I am very happy with my journey so far and am really learning alot this time and I am really soaking it up.. I have said before I am so shocked that I had not found WW before but I have to say that my past weight loss experiences are helping me on this journey along with alot of the members at WW. I want to share everything with others so they won't make the same mistakes.. One really great part of the meeting was when Brooke shared some things and that she had been struggling with losing (plateau) but she shared something new she had tried and she had GREAT results.. It was soooo cool... I hope we start going to more meetings at the same time so we can get to know each other better... I just want to Congratulate her on her weight loss.. Weight watchers is such a great place I just can't say enough about it.. I am hoping that when I get to my goal weight that I get the opportunity to work there somehow to continue to help others just like me . I truly believe that God has brought me to WW for a reason.. so who knows... maybe all my weight struggles will be a blessing to others.. till next time...

I am having a REAL Hard Time....

I am really having a difficult time having Jenna so far away because she is having some potential life changing things going on in her life right now.. the phone is great and we talk at least once a day (lately maybe once) but it isnt the same. I want to be able to go visit her soon but I know it is not possible ... (financially) without sharing anything about what is going on with her it is a time where a daughter and mom need to close to each other just to be able to have those mom daughter talks all nite long if we need to.... to be able to give her a big hug to share in these special moments... I know this is going to be a challenge because Jen and I are so close she literally shares everything with me. I feel so lucky to have this relationship with her and it really is tearing me apart being 2000 miles from her... I am going to pray and hope that I can find a way to go see her before she comes back... I know that it is important to her as much as for me for her to see her mama.. so my challenge is going to be to convince Duane that I should go visit her... dads are different they don't understand that mom/daughter bond.. plus he is going to see her the end of July... well all I can do is have faith that I will be able to go see her.. I dont know if I could stand the drive again plus the time on the road is alot.. driving alone is scary and of course the price of gas is ridiculous.. but I have to say if she if she comes out and asks me to come I will do whatever to get there... so we will have to wait and see.. Most of all I want to say how much joy she brings to me...... I am so proud of her....

I am SO EXCITED

I just can't hide it..... I for shits and giggles tried on some shorts that I Could NOT get past my hips (2 weeks ago) and they slid on !!!! I could NOT believe it so much that I tried them all on AGAIN to make sure.... they fit.. they slid on.. what a difference in 2 weeks... I am so pumped to have shorts that I can where..so you may ask what made me try them on again? I was talking to Rachel about tops and how she wore them .. I was telling her that I just would not think to where shirts like her she was like WHY??? it makes you appear thinner.. so today I had to return some stuff at Old Navy so I browsed.. found a shirt... on clearance for 4.99 size Medium... (have been in Large or XLarge) guess what? Yep, it fit and it looked cute.. soooo... now you know why I'm sooo Excited....

2 Months Smoke Free!!!

Your Quit Date is:Thursday, April 17, 2008 at 12:00:00 PM
Time Smoke-Free:60 days, 16 hours, 8 minutes and 50 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked:1213
Lifetime Saved:9 days, 6 hours
Money Saved:$213.50

Are You ASLEEP?

Are you asleep? That was the question and topic of of the sermon today? Of course when we heard that everyone was like "yea we're awake we're here aren't we?" . Then this statement was made: when we are sleeping we are not aware that we are sleeping we only know that we have slept when we wake up. Hmmm.. made me think.. so I am sitting there wondering where is this going? Then this question was asked, " are you asleep in your faith?" I am thinking I dont think so.. I go to church. Then more questions. Do you read the scriptures and live them? Do you serve your church by volunteering? Do you tithe? Do you reach out and help others without expecting anything in return? Are you sharing your talents with the church? Ok now he had my attention... I can answer yes to some of these but truth be told the ones I answered yes to I am not doing 100%. So it got me thinking... what can I do in my faith to keep me awake? Because you see if I am not staying awake then I am drifting off to sleep and when I begin to drift that is the devil trying to lull be to his side... I refuse for the devil to make me sleepy or God forbid fall asleep so I will challenge myself to work at what God is telling me to do.. to open my heart and mind and to listen quietly.. because he knows what he has me wired to do I just need to STOP and listen and pray to hear what his plans are to keep me AWAKE. There was a hint today.. Our church is apart of a One Prayer challenge over 1400 churches are all praying and working for one thing and that is to bring God to people who don't know him.. during the video feed they showed children in poor countries their eyes were looking at me as if pleading or telling me something.. for a brief moment I thought I need to go there and help those babies... was God trying to tell me something? I can't answer that right now but I do know that I need to pray about it. I know that I need to talk to John (pastor) about it... because I do know that my God given talent is to help children.. so is God whispering to me? I think he is and let me tell you he startled and woke me up today.... so I will pray and listen. I ask all of you to ask yourself the questions above and truly answer them.. don't get sleepy, don't let the devil lull you in... WAKE UP!!!! God Loves each and everyone of you...


www.meadowonline.org

I feel Good

I am down 28.4 lbs... wow!!!! I feel GOOD!!!!! I am amazed at my weight loss and how it is going .. I really was suprised when I looked at my total loss so far I literally went WOW!! I hadnt realized that I had lost that much.... Easy does it.. Not being obsessed with the number has given me a whole new way of looking at things... when I look in the mirror I can see a difference when I put on clothes that I havent worn in awhile that were tight and now they are loose it is so cool.. I really dont remember enjoying it like this before.. it is so nice.. I like how I am progressing and I like how things are going.. Life is good....

I am in AWE!!!

I am in such awe and grateful for everyone that has donated to Relay for Life.. I have received donations from friends and family and people that I have met once that reads my blog. I am half way to my goal already.. I want to thank everyone that have donated.. I am truly blessed with wonderful family and friends... a special thanks to my $100.00 donors... Luann, Inez & my dad how generous you are.. may God Bless all of you that reached into their wallets to help me raise money for this "Monster" called cancer..... Again, words can't express how thankful I am.

Smoke Free Update

Time Smoke-Free:54 days, 16 hours, 11 minutes and 52 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked:1093
Lifetime Saved:8 days, 8 hours
Money Saved:$192.50

SAD News...

I talked with my mom today and she had to tell me that Don's cancer has come back... words cant explain what I felt when I heard those words.. so I am asking all of you to put Don in your prayers and to please donate in his honor for his bravery and his love for life... Cancer effects everyone some way some how.. We have to STOP this monster.. PLEASE, PLEASE help me stop it.. .. any small amount will make a difference.. please help me make the difference.. Don keep on fighting , and do NOT give up... I love you and admire your determination... I am praying for you..

Wow!!!! A big Thanks!!!

I received a donation already for my Relay for Life walk... I believe I know who you are.. a WW member that I have met once... if this is you Brooke... from WW I want to thank you so much.. I feel so lucky to have friends that care ... God Bless you all..

Please help me make a difference

Hello Everyone,

As many of you know I am doing a lot of new things and I am adding one more to my list. On July 11th I will be participating in American Cancer Society Relay for Life walk. We at Meadow Springs Community church have put together teams to raise money for cancer.. as of now we have over 60 people participating which is the largest group ever to participate in Shakopee. I am dedicating this walk to my Step Dad Don Kroupa aka ( Kroup ). He was diagnosed with throat cancer and is a survivor and is fighting the fight. I am asking all of you to make a donation of whatever you can. I would like to raise 1000.00 in Kroup's name. If you would be willing to donate please make checks payable to American Cancer Society for all that donate I will put your name on my t-shirt along with your pledge amount. I hope that you all will help me reach my goal.. I am starting the first pledge with $100.00 on my behalf.. I am asking Jenna and Nick to make a pledge and decorate a luminaries that will be lit with 1000's of others that nite.. If you have someone that you would like to honor with a luminaries please let me know and I will get you the bag to decorate or I can decorate it for you with the name of the person.

I am adding the link to my web page where you can donate on line and find out more about Relay for Life. Please, mail me your donation along with any information that you would think I will need. Most of all come join me on this nite of July 11th at 6:00 and stay to watch the moving lighting of the luminaries. If you have any questions give me a call at 952-451-3261.

Thanks so much!!

Linda Feldmeier

The American Cancer Society:

Coming Together

Yesterday's Weight Watcher's meeting was really great... alot of women opened up with their struggles and doubts... we all were able to offer support and suggestions to each other.. what makes this so helpful is that when we hear others despair we can relate but most importantly when we give insight to each other it motivates us to keep going.. we can see success in the program my women just like us who have sat in the same seat months ago but are sharing their success. We can see it in the WW workers who all have lost and are maintaining for years..
One paticualar woman has been sitting next to Marcella (older lady ) for past few weeks.. she is struggling has no hope can see she is ready to give up just quit.... it so pains me to see her that way because it is like looking in a mirror of my past.. thoughts like "I am not worth it" "I cant do this" "It is too hard" were things coming from her... tears in her eyes.. a look of hopelessness.. after the meeting I gave her my phone number and email address and offered to meet with her to show her the 12 Steps... not that she is a compulsive overeater but she has a bad relationship with food.. that is what OA is about.. instead of focusing in on a bad behavior of any kind that is effecting your life ie.. food, drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex.. etc... turning it over to God and following the steps is a life changing experience.. If I can give her the tools I know it will change her like it has changed me.. I know I am changing because as I type I am not talking about me or that I gained or lost but am focusing in on helping someone else ... that is a change for me... I hope she will reach out to me so that she can experience the peace and ease that I have received. All I know is that I can offer and pray that she will reach out... until then I will continue to give her the support and prayer that I know she is seeking... I told her yesterday "One Day at a Time" I hope those words stick in her brain so that she has a better week... I know how she feels because I have been there.. In closing, I lost .4 lbs this week... no big deal I know that I was doing everything right and my body needs to do what it has to on it's own time. so I will keep on keeping on.. all is good .. all is great.. God is guiding me on this journey..

God Really Knows!!!

I have been wanting to get the "Serenity Prayer" in print now that I have finished my 12 Steps. So low and behold today in the mail I received something from my wonderful mother n law.. a congrats on my weight loss and non smoking.. and a bookmark with the serenity prayer on it... it really made me so happy to know that she sees how important this journey is to me.. she is very special to me and always so supportive.. so this is a Thank You to her.. Thanks Mame and I love ya....

I AM DOWN!!!!!

Quick update on my weigh in today... I was down 4 lbs....!!!!! I have lost 25.4 lbs in 11 weeks.. woohooo...!!!!! That is all I have to say for now .. I am feeling so proud of myself and so ashamed for doubting myself.. oh well we live and we learn...

Smoking Update

Quit Date is: Thursday, April 17, 2008 at 12:00:00 PM
Time Smoke-Free:43 days, 16 hours, 23 minutes and 35 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked:874
Lifetime Saved:6 days, 16 hours
Money Saved:$154.00

Milestone

I have a couple new things to celebrate... 1. My clothes are starting to hang on me!!!! Even with the draw string pants I can't make them any tighter... I am really trying NOT to buy clothes during this process because I have alot of weight to lose so that means going thru alot of clothes but it comes to a point when you have to.. SO yesterday I went shopping and made a promise to myself that if I was not in a certain size I would NOT buy anything that I would wait and deal with baggy clothes. Well low and behold I tried on that size and they FIT!!!!! So I bought 3 pair of capris ... that will hold me for a bit... I am fortunate that I can wear anything to work and even if they are baggy no big deal. but I needed something for church and going out in general... I am proud of myself and feeling very content with how I am doing... Each day I work at turning my day over to God and following his guidance because I know that he has my best interest at heart. I want this journey to be a life lesson and one that continues for the rest of my life.. I will NOT go back to being heavy and unhealthy ever... I want to be content and happy with myself and live each day to the fullest.. so however long it takes to remove my weight I have to look at it as a positive learning experience and remember that all the other times that I lost weight fast that it always came back.... as all of you know I am not a patient person and I want it NOW .... well I am learning that I have to be patient and trust myself and God and remember that the old Linda (impatient) may have gotten the results at that time but it always came back... I have been trying to figure out why I always put myself in the position of losing then regaining .. yet again another DIET etc... in one of my OA books they gave me the answer... I went on a DIET to punish myself... to me a DIET was punishment and I deserved to be punished because I had FAILED yet again.... I also believe that by going back on a diet that I felt I was in control... and I have found that I have a control issue... hmmm. slow learner I am... LOL.. but by letting go and letting God I am pleased to turn it all over to him.. and it has made this journey so much easier and non demanding.. now dont get me wrong I still have control issues... my mind takes over and I end up having panic attacks.. I start thinking about how long it will take to be at my goal or what can I do to make this go faster but then I stop and pray,blog and or talk to Nicole... these are the new tools that I have incorporated in my life and it is a awesome feeling to know that I have tools to get me thru a bump in the road... I am learning that we all make mistakes and that is ok just get back up and brush yourself off start again.. wow what a wonderul concept wish I could have learned this years ago. So with all that said... I am content with myself and facing each day with a positive and patient outlook ... Watch out all a NEW Linda is coming .. Ready or not here I come...

Feeling Better

I met with Nicole today and I feel much better after going over Step 11 it really helped... after Nicole and I talked over about my panic attack she asked me do you know what step you need to work on? What part of Step 3 ? It is Pride.. She also said that fear is opposite of faith and I need to have more faith in God and trust in his plan... She made me feel better about myself and how I was feeling about my choices on vacation... She also told me I need to let go and quit trying to control things because we ARE NOT in control... God is .... he is control of everything... so I am going to try and work and listening. I have a lot of work to do but I new in this journey and I have to keep learning... I am going to concentrate on my inner voice . I will work on the "Serenity Prayer" .

WOW found this ...

BIGMTGUY A new way to think about losing weight I have to keep telling myself that. It's not. A diet is something you do for a short period of time in order to get a result that doesn't last, and you end up worse off than before. No, no...this is not a diet.It is a way of life. A life change. Something different. I think we are often too hard on ourselves. I think we get disappointed in ourselves. We get frustrated because after a lot of hard work, the scale doesn't move, or the inches don't come off.So we go to what we know best. Food. Then more guilt, more frustration, more disappointment.But I've come to realize something. If this isn't a diet...and it is a way of life, then it's ok. It's ok to have a bad week on the scale, because it's not the end of the world. Next week will come...and then the next. If this is about life change, then I must look at this as a marathon and not a sprint.I didn't get fat overnight. No, I got fat after years and years of neglect and overeating, lack of exercise, being tired, and a miriad of other excuses. Therefore I can't expect to lose this weight over night. And I won't lose it next week and I won't lose it next month.But I will lose it. Why?? Because I'm not on a DIET!!. I'm changing my life. I'm changing my lifestyle. I know that while I may have a bad week on the scale or even a bad month, next year, I will not be the same person I was. I will be healthier. I don't know what that means on the scale, but I don't think it matters either. If this is my way of life, then I will be healthier. I know it.So if I mess up and have a donut or a piece of cake or a slice of pizza now and then, it's ok. I'm not going to drown myself in guilt, nor am I going to drown myself in food. I'm just going to enjoy life. That might mean eating great for a month and then eating not so great for a day or two. But I'm going to enjoy life knowing that I'm making decisions that will make me a happier, healthier person in the future.I'm not going to look in the mirror and get disappointed that I don't look the way I want to now. It will come. But it will take a while. And you know...that's ok. I'm changing. When the changes come and are visible...then great, but it's ok if I don't see them yet. I just know that everyday I'm going to make better decisions.Remember...THIS IS NOT A DIET! This is a life change. A new way to live your life. Enjoy it.

Panic Attack

I made it home today and wow was I in for a rude awakening to the weather.. I am used to it being 80 by 10 or so... it is nice to get back home and back into a routine. I feel back in control.. Last nite when I went to bed I laid there and kept thinking & worrying about how I may have messed up with my eating.. now I know alot of you may roll your eyes and think what the hell is wrong with her after you read the next statement.. but this is what happened.. I laid there and kept going over what I ate what choices I made that were not good and I put myself in a panic attack. My heart my beating so hard I couldnt get my breath and was sweating... I eventually fell asleep... but this really scared me ...... it still scares me because it really shows me how much work I have to do on myself... I think being away from my support system , going to WW meetings and being somewhere that I didnt feel in control of alot of situations.. I feel such a relief being at home and comfortable.. I have to accept that if I gain this week it is from my bad choices and that I will learn from it and go on... that is all I can do... I look at myself as a failure because of some bad choices I made.. I made a promise that I would NOT do it and I did... (make bad choices) I am so Pissed off at myself... because I know better... but I have learned that I just have to make myself realize that I AM NOT PERFECT no one is.... I think that has been my problem all along... I feel that I HAVE to BE PERFECT in my diets / weight loss and if I am not I look at myself as a failure and everyone around me does too... I am still working thru this and will probably go see my therapist this week.... I need to get thru this thought process and as all of you know I have not been successful doing it on my own.. With all of that.. I will not beat myself up but I will brush myself off and continue this week on WW plan.. kick up the exercise this week and hope for the best... with that I will lean on God to guide me and help me to open my heart to what he is leading / guiding me to do... I also meet with Nicole tomorrow and will get back on my steps... I am looking foward to this week and all that it holds.... keep me in your prayers as I struggle with this lastest road block in my journey...

I Have Been Delayed

So I went to the airport all ready to head out went to check in and low and behold my flight had been changed .. it was in the air... I was not notified of change so..... I get one more day here!!!!! Now it does suck I do miss Duane and Nick and my Rudy but what can I do... Air Tran was very nice and got me on next flight in the Business section .. wohoo...

The thing is when I got up this morning I checked the weather and it said chance of severe storms with large hail damaging winds and possible tornado in Minnesota. was not to thrilled on flying when I read that.. then when this happened I thought maybe this happened for a reason.... so with that I am chilling with Jenna one more day and will take off tomorrow very early...

It is sooo hot here that even going to the beach is not a option so we are going to hang out and watch tv... one more day of Sunny Florida

I feel like I am FLOATING

Destin was awesome!!! What beautiful beaches and the ocean is so unbelievable... Jenna and I had two great days on the beach and riding the waves... It still overwhelms me when I see the ocean and ride the waves it brings me back to being a kid just letting go and having FUN!!! No inhibitions.. it also gave me time to meditate and thank God for all the things I have in my life.. my husband who gives me so much love and support and spoils me rotten... thanks honey for this trip.. I know it is a memory that neither Jenna or I will forget.. Jenna what a great daughter and really a awesome young woman I am always in awe of her independence and surety in herself... I am so proud of her and what she stands for in her personal life and in her thoughts of the world.. she is going to go far in whatever she chooses or whatever God has planned for her. Nick ... he is such a great young man and he too makes me so proud.. Duane and I have been blessed with two great kids... But as we all know all good things must come to a end... I will be heading back tomorrow ... but I am excited to see Duane, Nick and Rudy... Sorry Floyd...

I decided not to freak out about counting points while we were gone it was making me crazy.. I will get back on track on Monday and all will be good... I really have not made bad choices but when your at at a authentic canjuan restaraunt you have to get Jambalaya .. and cat fish... Yummy!!!! Yesterday I had shrimp... gotta have shrimp here... it was delciious.. and Jen and I shared key lime pie.. hmmmm.. good.. but with those choices the other times I have been aware and that is all I can do... I do have to say that riding those waves yesterday and today had to burn some calories.. that will kick some serious booty.. well gotta do some laundry so till next time....

Uneasy

Today I am feeling a bit uneasy... you know that feeling down in your gut.. a nervous feeling.. I think I am feeling that I am not following my points as I should... It is so hard when you are on vacation.. not because of eating bad things but trying to calculate what you eat.. I would say that 75 % of the time that I have been away from home I have stayed within my points... so I am going to try and raise that percentage the rest of the time I am here... when in doubt salad and grilled chicken... as I said before I will be happy if I stay at weight when I left..I have walked 3 times while here and then the extra walking around helps... I feel so obsessed today and I hate it.. I know it is because I feel out of control.. and I really HATE that... I do not want to go down that road so I am really going to work at getting rid of those thoughts .... I know that I am not perfect and each day is a new day. I know that I will never have this experience again to spend with Jenna and I am going to be grateful for it.

We are off to Destin for the next 2 days.. I can not wait.... maybe a change in scenery will help... for now I am going to take a deep breath and clear my head... and be grateful for what God has given me and what he has in store for me today and today only... I have to remember "One Day at a Time" till next time...

It's A BOY!!!

Rachel had her baby tonite at 7:01, a boy, 8lb14oz and 21.5 inches long... went in hospital at 3:30 had him at 7:01 called me at 7:52.. wow ... sounded great and baby was doing great.. they had not named him yet.. waiting for details.. Way to go Tim and Rachel.. welcome baby Carlson... can't wait to meet you...

New Baby Coming!!

Well, got a call about Rachel tonite and she was heading to the hospital... I hope all goes well and fast for her she has had a rough few weeks... Wow, when I get home I will have a new little one to spoil!!!! I cant wait as all of you know how much I love babies... I just never have gotten them out of my system.. I have always said and asked how can anyone doubt that their is a God when they see the miracle of a new baby. It truly puts me in awe each time. Well, I will update as soon as I get the word... ahhh ... just imagine what I will be like when I am going to be a grama.. I cant imagine... well I am sure that will be a few years away but it doesnt hurt to wonder. Well off to figure out dinner and throw some laundry .... just beach wear and towels... another rough day at the beach.. it was beautiful....

Just Beaching It

Today Jenna and I spent 5 hours on the beach and thoroghly enjoyed every minute of it... we are bronzed and ready to head back tomorrow.... it was a high of 88 today and supposed to be that way all week... going to make talapia for dinner tonite.

Went walking this morning for another half hour.. went earlier to beat the heat.. sorry fellow Minnesotans...

Talked with Rachel today seemed to be feeling a bit better.. except as she says " I am sooo DONE!!!" she goes to the dr tomorrow so hopefully she will get some good news... My date that I guessed for the birth is the 23rd... I believe Rachel picked like last week some time.. LOL... will keep all updated..

I am missing the little ones at daycare.... but am enjoying the time off... I have to say I forgot how much I love the beach and ocean... it is so amazing to look out and see that much water.. it is mind boggling .. i cant imagine what a little child thinks the first time they see the ocean.. it has to really be so unbelievable to them.. I actually thought of Ellie and what she would think... she is conquering her fear of water but I have a feeling if she saw the ocean it would put her right back to " I am NOT going in that WATER!!!" I can just hear her now... well gonna chill out before dinner.. till next tim..