Learning

I made my first ammends this week and it was more intense than I thought... I picked this person first because I thought it wouldn't be that hard.. but it was.. I did not back down and stated my apologies and then listened to the remarks / comments that came. Most were neutral but there was some negative... it hurt but I didnt react like I normally would have... defensively.. making ammends is about cleaning my side of the street.. if the people that I make ammends with have issues with me or in general that is NOT my problem... I am in control of myself and God is leading me... whatever issues these people have with me or in general I can NOT control and I can NOT change them... I have to be in control of myself.. I have to pray for guidance and listen quietly for what God has in store for me.. I am not going to be someone or something that I am not for anyone any longer... this is going to be hard because I always want to please those I love and do for them what is best (or what they feel is best) but life is too short to pretend to be someone or do things that someone wants of you... some who read this may think that I am being selfish but I am not I am trying to do what is best for me at this time in my life.. and in the future it will show thru... I have to make some important decisions when I get back from Florida that may cause some turmoil but I will wait and really pray about it and wait for the answer... God is so awesome and I know that he is guiding me right now... I just need to be still and listen and his words will come... keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I work thru this step..