Still Learning

Each day I learn more and more about myself thru the 12 Steps.. some positive and alot negative:I think I have known some things all along but am now facing them. It is hard to face myself and my defects but I am learning from my mistakes. It is hard to recognize that I have caused myself alot of pain and hardship along with hurting my family.. I recognize that I have always sabotaged myself in my work. I recognize that I am a quitter and I told Duane that I have used his success in a way of allowing myself to quit... I also see that alot of times I have taken jobs to please others and that in turn lends it self to me quitting because my heart and soul were not in it... I have always fought from the beginning my career choice... I love children I am good with children it is my passion.. but from the beginning people tried to steer me away because I wouldnt make any money... well guess what... this is what God blessed me with I am wired to work with kids and I will not apologize for it.. I recognize that I have been blessed to have a succesful husband that gave me the opportunity to stay home be a wife and mom .. that is what I wanted to do and be and damn it I am and was good at it and I will not back down from that. The best thing I did was raise two awesome kids... and I truly believe that me staying at home was the key to what they have grown to be... there are people in my life that I know I have not lived up to their expectations and I accept that but now I am asking those people to accept me for who I am.... I will never make BIG money, but I will give you all that I have with what I am blessed with... Not all of us can be a successful working woman not all of us want that.. I have never wanted to be a working woman.. I want to contribute financially but I also will not compromise my family for that... I am learning to stand up for myself and to accept that I will not be able to please everyone but I have to be happy with myself and when I am happy with myself then it will spread to everyone around me... I am growing stronger each day and I hope everyone can see the change that has come over me...